The Beginning
by Aggie Escott
Summary: Comes between 'The Failing' and 'The Beach'. Describes the beginning of the love between Aaron and Spence, the true nature of their relationship. a bit slashy, a bit fluffy. I just thought this story needed to be told. Please R&R m'Darlin's
1. Starting out

The Beginning

_Midge Ure sang, 'Please take my hand and let me breathe again; we stumble blindly, chasing something new and something sinful.' (Accent on Youth)_

Hotch had managed to persuade the doctors in charge of Reid's recovery that he, Hotch, could look after him, and that time in a hospital wouldn't help.

Now, looking across at the man sitting beside him in the car, Hotch was hoping he hadn't made a terrible mistake. Reid was almost catatonic, staring straight ahead, huge eyes unfocused.

The terrible injuries to his body were healed, his insides no longer torn and damaged from the abuse he had suffered. He didn't bleed any more; he could walk and eat normally.

If food was placed in front of him, he would eat it. If a drink was placed in his hand, he would put it to his lips.

But those lips never smiled or spoke. They were still and quiet. The abusers had ripped his personality from him, stolen his life.

That torn and ripped personality that everyone warmed to was not healed. The emotional wounds were as raw and bleeding as they ever were.

"He may never recover." they had said.

How do you bind up wounds that you couldn't see?

How was he going to help him?

He felt tears forming in his eyes.

Hotch reached across and put his hand on Reid's arm.

"I am going into this shop, Spencer. I won't be long. Will you be ok waiting here?"

Hotch knew there wouldn't be an answer. But he felt sure – at least he hoped – that what he said to Reid was going in.

He got out of the car and locked the door, just in case.

He bought Reid some clothes. It was either that or take him back to his apartment and collect some things. But Hotch didn't want to complicate things for Reid.

He came out a few minutes later with a bag of clothes and toiletries.

"I've got you some things, Spencer. I hope you like them."

Hotch drove out of the car park towards his house. Reid hadn't moved.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

That evening, Hotch cooked a frozen pizza. Hotch couldn't cook, but pizza was fairly safe. Not that Reid was going to complain.

Reid ate what was put in front of him, as he always did.

Hotch sat Reid on the sofa in front of the TV. Reruns of 'Two and a Half Men' were on. Hotch hoped that something light would relax him. Reid stared at the screen, or, it seemed to Hotch, stared through it.

Reid was trapped still in the hands of his abusers. His mind was closed off to the world, holding the fear and terror inside. It was as if he had built a wall around his pain, and no one was allowed to enter.

Hotch felt such deep sadness for him. He had a brilliant mind, but he has closed it away.

Hotch knew that he had always had a fear of developing schizophrenia like his Mum, and he often showed little signs of Autism or Asperger's Syndrome.

But this was different, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the psychiatrists had called it. Hotch just saw it as a terrible fear of connecting.

Hotch took his arm and led him upstairs. He switched the shower on, and showed Reid the shampoo and shower gel he had bought for him, and the pyjamas for him to wear.

Reid started to undress; Hotch left him alone to get ready for bed.

He waited outside in case he needed anything, but fifteen minutes later, Reid came out of the bathroom.

Hotch led him to the room that he had got ready for him, and pulled back the covers for him to get into bed. Reid got in and lay down closing his eyes.

Hotch wanted to cry for him.

"Goodnight, Reid. My room is next door, if you need me in the night."

Hotch left his door open and the light on in the hall. He knew Reid was afraid of the dark. He went to the bathroom and got himself ready.

He couldn't stop thinking of the man in his spare room.

How was he going to get him to open up?

Had he been wrong, thinking he could do what all the doctors couldn't?

Was this exacerbating his condition?

Hotch decided to try for a week, and if Reid was no better, he would call the doctors, and ask them what he should do.

He supposed they would be overjoyed that Hotch hadn't been able to help him. They were all against it in the first place.

Hotch sighed as he put on his pyjama bottoms, and padded up the hall to his bedroom. On the way past he looked in on Reid. He hadn't moved.

In his own room, Hotch pulled back the quilt and slid into bed. He still slept on 'his side' of the bed. He had tried once to put the pillows in the middle, but when he woke up in the morning, he was back on his side. He was lonely.

He sighed, and lay on his back, thinking.

He could hear Reid crying in his bed. The doctors had said this would happen sometimes. No one knew what horrors he was re-living.

"It's to be expected." they had said.

It was tearing Hotch apart.

He had to get through to him. He couldn't bear this terrible sadness..

The crying didn't stop, and Hotch eventually fell asleep anyway.

When he woke up it was still night. The crying had stopped. Hotch opened his eyes to check the time.

Reid was standing by the bed.

Hotch smiled at him. He looked like a little boy. His PJ bottoms were resting on his skinny hips. The jacket was too small for him, showing a little ring of pale flesh around his middle. His hair was fluffy and over his face.

Hotch got up onto his elbow, and reached out to Reid, pushing his hair off his face.

"Are you all right, Spencer?"

Reid held out his arms to Hotch. Hotch turned so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Reid sat beside him, and rested his head on Hotch's shoulder. Instinctively, Hotch put his arm around Reid, and held him. He felt Reid relax onto him.

Hotch pulled back the covers on the bed, and lay down on his side. Reid lay down next to him, his back to Hotch. Hotch put his arms around Reid, and he felt Reid press himself against him.

Hotch felt a surge of emotion, love for this man. He put his face in Reid's soft hair. It smelled of apple shampoo and pheromones. He pulled Reid closer, and felt Reid's body relax, his breathing become smoother, more gentle and natural.

Almost without thinking, Hotch kissed the back of Reid's neck.

"I'll take care of you, Spence."

_I think I am falling for you_………


	2. Safe

Chapter 2

Safe 

Aaron couldn't sleep. He held Spencer close to him through the dark hours. Spencer slept soundly, his breathing a gentle rhythm. There were no tears, his body didn't shake with heaving sobs. He slept like a child in Aaron's arms.

It was Aaron who shed tears that night. As he held Spencer against his chest, he thought of all the times that Spencer had come up with the information that cracked the case, times when he, Aaron had been impatient with him and not fully understood him. He never imagined this would happen, that he would be lying here in his bed with Spencer in his arms.

Aaron snuggled closer to him. His left arm was numb, but he didn't want to move it for fear of waking him.

This amazing feeling he had, lying next to him, he would never want to disturb.

Aaron watched the square of the window lighten as the sun came up. The sky changed from black to a deep blue to soft blue.

He hoped that with his help, Spencer would also come out of the blackness he was in.

His coming to Aaron in the night was a wonderful sign that he was ready to accept help. Aaron was ready to give it.

The sun was high in the sky when Spencer moved. Aaron slid his arm out and grimaced in agony as a million needles jabbed him. He couldn't help a little yelp of pain. Spencer turned over and looked up at him with those wide eyes.

Aaron had never noticed how stunning they were before.

_How could I have missed that?_

"It's ok, Spence. You are at my house." Aaron said gently. "I want to take care of you until you are better."

Spencer moved up the bed until his face was level with Aaron's. Spencer looked into Aaron's eyes for a moment, then leaned forward and kissed him.

Aaron was a little hesitant at first, but then he kissed him back. Spencer's arms went around Aaron, and held him tightly. Aaron's breathing became shuddery as he pressed his face into Spencer's neck, and felt Spence do the same.

He felt gentle soft kisses on his neck. Aaron put a hand on the back of Spencer's head, his fingers in his hair, and held him.

Aaron's body trembled with a new emotion, something that he had never felt before. He was shocked at its power. He shook with fear of this energy as it took hold of him, this man evoking in him a response he never thought was possible.

Aaron groaned within himself as his emotional safety barrier was ripped away, and Spencer stepped over the wreckage into his heart.

Aaron let the tears fall, as to try to prevent them would be to deny what he was feeling. He sobbed and cried and held Spencer.

Spencer pulled away and touched Aaron's tears with his finger tips. He kissed the tears away, and laid his head on Aaron's chest.

Aaron put one hand in Spencer's hair, and the other on his back, pulling the quilt to cover Spencer's thin body. He stared at the ceiling, tears flowing freely, wetting his hair, wondering why this was happening to him.

It seemed like hours that they lay like this, Aaron being afraid to move lest he break the spell. He felt warm and wonderful with Spencer so close.

It was late afternoon when Spencer moved again. He slowly sat up and looked down at Aaron lying next to him. Aaron reached up and brushed Spencer's hair away from his face.

Spencer smiled at him.

Aaron felt overwhelmed. Spencer touched Aaron's face, the almost dry tears, and bent forward and kissed his mouth.

Aaron put his arms around him, closed his eyes and returned the kiss.

Spencer pulled away.

"Thank you, Aaron."

"Oh Spence! What are you doing to me?" Aaron's voice was choked and afraid and overjoyed that Spencer had spoken to him.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

A little later, they went downstairs to the kitchen. Aaron made coffee while Spencer sat at the table and watched. Aaron gave Spencer his coffee and the sugar, and watched as Spence added his own.

Each little thing was a step forward.

Aaron sat opposite Spencer and reached across to take his hands. Spencer looked up.

"Spence, I need to talk to you." Aaron was finding putting his feelings into words more difficult than he ever imagined it could be. "Spence, I'm falling for you. I'm falling in love with you." Aaron felt tears in his eyes again as he struggled to find the right words, while not upsetting Spence. He blinked them away. A tear escaped and rolled down his cheek. Spencer touched it.

"I love you too, Aaron."

Aaron went round the table and Spencer stood up.

"Let's go out, Spence. Let's just walk."

Spencer laughed and went to the door.

Aaron laughed too. He looked at Spencer's PJ bottoms on his bony hips, and his too small jacket.

"Let's get dressed first, Spence. We can't go out like this!" He stepped towards Spencer, and undid his top, slid it off his thin arms onto the floor. He bent down and kissed his shoulder.

"Or we could stay in and I'll do a pizza. We can open a bottle of wine, and get tipsy."

Spencer nodded. He didn't speak, but his eyes were shining; huge hazel eyes shining with a new life that hadn't been there before.

Spencer chose a DVD while Aaron put a pizza in the oven.

Safe food. As long as he didn't burn it, it would be safe to eat.

He opened some wine and got two glasses out. He took the food and wine into the living room, and gave Spencer a glass of wine, and Spencer helped himself to pizza.

Spencer had chosen 'Edward Scissorhands'. Aaron put it in the machine and sat down. Spence was sitting in the corner of the sofa; Aaron lay down and rested his head on his lap. He pointed the remote and pressed play.

Aaron didn't watch much of the movie. He was watching Spence.

He was still in shock after the night before. He wondered how he ever thought he was happy with Haley.

Those feelings never came close to what he was feeling now.

Spencer had a hand on Aaron's head, caressing his hair absently.

Aaron fell into a deep contented sleep full of beautiful dreams.


	3. New Life

Chapter 3

New Life

The next morning when Aaron woke up, the sun was sending a beam of golden early morning light across the bed. Spencer's hair was catching the rays, reflecting soft auburn tones. Aaron was dazzled by the newness of what he was seeing, still unable to come to terms with being so in love with another man. He would never have thought it possible.

He had seen Spencer every day for years now, and yet his beauty was for some reason hidden from him. He tried to remember how he used to see him, but he couldn't. Those old feelings were lost to him, and replaced with something he was not able to understand. He remembered Spencer describing love as a chemical change. He laughed to himself. Chocolate and peas! He had told Spencer to stop, but he had laughed about it later. He could be so funny. He smiled at the memory.

He touched Spencer's hair softly, almost as if to prove that he really was lying here with hid head on his chest. He combed his fingers through the long waves, marvelling at how his hair curled back into his neck. He noticed that his fingers were shaking as he stroked Spencer's hair; shaking with fear that this wasn't real, and confusion. He couldn't understand what this lovely young man was doing to him, baffling his senses, mystifying him.

He laid quite still, his fingers still caressing Spencer's hair. He stared at the ceiling, and thought of how life would be if he could have Spencer as his own, if they could belong to each other. He had no idea of how far this could go.

He thought back to time when Spencer had been kidnapped by Tobias Hankel, and he had been afraid for Spencer's life.

He thought of how he had bent down to help him to his feet, and he remembered what Spencer had said,

"I knew you'd understand." And the feel of Spencer's arms around him.

The ridiculous pang of jealousy when he hugged JJ...

He remembered that he hadn't wanted to let go of him, he was so relieved to get him back in one piece. Or he thought he was in one piece at the time.

Then the heart breaking fight against the addiction, and everyting that went along with that.

He had been surprised and pleased that Spencer had come to him and not Gideon. Spencer said it was because Gideon would have been disappointed in him. But he thought there was more to it. Since that time, Spencer had confided in him on a few occasions.

And now, this.

Aaron wanted to draw him close, press his slim boyish body hard against his own, but he didn't want to wake him.

The moment was too precious.

Slowly the beam of light moved from his hair down his back, highlighting each little bone in his spine. Aaron ran his fingers down the row of bumps, finding great pleasure in doing it, and not understanding why.

Everything about him he was finding amazing.

Spencer stirred, and pressed his face into Aaron's warm skin, putting his arms around his chest and holding him. Aaron let out a shuddering sigh of pleasure and closed his eyes.

"Oh Spence! This is incredible...What's happening to me?"

Spencer looked up at Aaron, lying so still, holding him close. He was a lovely man. Spencer was finding it strange that the man he thought of as his boss, and someone he was in awe of, should invite him to share his bed. He had told him that he was falling in love with him. Until Aaron had voiced his feelings, Spencer had been unable to identify his own. It wasn't until Aaron said the words, that Spencer had realised that that was what he was feeling too.

Whatever was happening to Aaron was happening to him too.

And here he was. Lying in bed with him, his arms around him, falling in love with him.

He thought back to 'physics magic'. Even then, Aaron had a twinkle in his eye that seemed to be reserved for him alone.

Yes, Spencer loved him. And he felt a childish urge to carve it on a tree.

Maybe he would later!

Very carefully, he slipped under Aaron's arms and out of the bed. Aaron had fallen back to sleep and he stirred, reaching out for him in his sleep. Spencer looked down on his face, so open and relaxed, eyes closed, head back. He put a hand on the pillow each side of his head and kissed his mouth.

Aaron put one hand on Spencer's back, another in his hair, and held him, and kissed him deeply, groaning with pleasure and surprise. Spencer pressed his lips to Aaron's never wanting the kiss to end.

"I love you." He whispered, as he softly touched Aaron's cheek with his, and kissed his neck and gently kissed his ear lobe. Aaron gasped and moaned and held him tight. Spencer collapsed onto Aaron and he felt Aaron's ragged breathing.

Gently, he kissed Aaron, running his fingers through his short dark hair, watching how it caught the light and shone with a blue-black glow. Slowly, he felt Aaron's breathing return to normal.

Aaron put his hands on Spencer's face and held him level. His dark eyes looked into the depths of Spencer's soft hazel ones.

There was so much he wanted to say to Spencer, but the words to describe how he felt hadn't been invented yet. So instead he pulled his face down and kissed his (incredibly sweet little) nose.

He rolled Spencer onto his back, so that now he was looking down on him. He brushed the back of his finger across Spencer's lips, and smiled down at him.

"What would you like to do today, Spence?"

"I would like to carve your name on a tree." Spencer said.

Aaron felt tears well up in his eyes. What a lovely thing to say.

He had wondered if this was the right thing for Spencer, to bring him home with him, and care for him. . Spencer had not been able to speak two days ago. But the change in him was wonderful, and they had found something special.

"Ok, Spence, Sweetheart. That's what we will do."

One of his tears fell onto Spencer's cheek and he watched as it ran down the side of his face into his hair. Spencer reached up and wiped the tears off Aaron's face with the back of his hand.

"You're crying!"

"Happy tears." said Aaron."You've done that for me..."


	4. The Tree

Chapter 4

The Tree

_Robert Frost wrote, "The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep."_

"Here, what about this one?" said Aaron, running his hand over the bark.

"Ok," said Spencer. "You do realise that we could get in trouble over this!"

Aaron laughed and hugged Spencer. "Yes! It's like being a kid!"

"Who's going to go first then?" asked Spence.

"It was your idea," grinned Aaron. "I'll keep watch!"

Aaron felt strange. He hadn't been this naughty even as a child! He watched as Spence took a pen knife out of his ever present bag, and started to carve. He cut deep into the bark, marking the living wood underneath. Aaron could see the wide toothy smile on Spencer's face, and he loved him all over again. An unfamiliar scrunching feeling (how else to describe it?) in the pit of his stomach made him shiver. He watched every move of every muscle in Spencer's bare arms as he cut away at the tree. A dog bounded up to Aaron.

"Spence!" he whispered loudly, "Someone's coming!"

Spencer slipped the knife into his pocket, and pretended to whistle and look nonchalant. Aaron howled with laughter, sitting by a tree, head back, helpless. Spencer sat beside him, and started to laugh with him.

"How far did you get?" he asked, as a man went past in pursuit of his dog.

"Aar..." said Spence in a pirate voice, and they laughed again.

No one else came by as Spence finished his task. The two of them stood back to admire the work. Spencer handed Aaron the knife.

"Your turn!"

"There are more letters in your name, it's not fair!" he pulled a cross face at Spencer, and stuck the knife in the tree. Spencer stood behind him, and put his arms around Aaron's hips.

"Stop it! You're putting me off!" laughed Aaron.

"Sorry, Sunshine, can't resist!" Spencer giggled.

"Sunshine?" Aaron eyes were laughing again. "Go and keep watch! If I get caught, I'm not taking the rap for your act of vandalism!"

Spence grinned and went and stood by the path. No one came by for the twenty minutes it took for Aaron to carve 'Spencer' on the tree. They both stood and looked at the work of art when it was completed. Spencer wrote in the carving with his finger.

"That will be there for as long as the tree is there." He said. "Permanent."

Aaron turned Spencer to face him. Again he noticed how lovely his eyes were, soft hazel, and the low sun passing its fingers through the trees, caressing his hair, making it glow auburn. Aaron touched it, watching the colours change with the movement.

"Oh god, Spence. You are beautiful!" Aaron tilted Spencer's face up towards his, and kissed his lips. Gently at first, just a soft brush of his lips against Spencer's, then Spencer returned the kiss. Softly moaning with pleasure, they held each other and kissed and as Aaron's legs gave way, and Spencer weakened, they sat beneath the tree, and held each other close for forever.

They sat beneath the tree for hours, each enjoying the other's closeness, neither wanting it to end, both oblivious to the waning light.

Suddenly, it seemed, the sun was going down, and the woodland was in semi-darkness. Spencer began to be frightened.

"Aaron, I don't like bring out in the dark. Can we go back now?"

Aaron stood up, and buttoned his shirt. Spence pulled his tee shirt on, and held onto Aaron's hand and stood.

"This way...I think..." said Aaron.

"Don't you know?" said Spence, his voice an octave or two higher than usual.

"I wasn't watching which way we came," Aaron said. "I was watching...erm...you."

Spencer looked afraid.

"It's ok, Spence. I won't let anything happen to you. I promise."

Aaron took his hand and led Spencer back to the path. At least he could remember that bit. When they reached the path, that's when the guessing took over.

"I'm pretty sure it's this way." Aaron said hopefully. "This way is uphill. I'm sure we came down hill to get here."

Spencer was holding his hand very tight, but he didn't say anything.

"Just stay close to me, Spence, and you'll be fine."

Aaron walked slightly in front, holding his free hand out ahead of him. There was no moon, and it was very dark. He could feel Spencer shaking.

"I d-don't like it, Aaron!" He was breathing too quickly. Aaron stopped and turned to face him. He embraced him and held him tight. Spencer was hyperventilating.

"Slow down your breathing, Spence. It's going to be ok. Slow it down or you will..."

The warning came too late. Spencer's head fell back and he passed out. Aaron managed to catch him before he fell. He held him close.

"Spence, wake up!" Even in the dark, Aaron could tell that he was out cold.

He wondered how he was going to do this. He saw he had a choice between two options. Either carry him out, or sit in the dark and wait until morning. He decided to try the first option. He picked him up in his arms, Spencer's head on his shoulder, and continued walking. Slower now, and he wasn't able to feel where he was going.

After only a few steps, he realised he had gone off the path. He turned to retrace his steps, straining his eyes, trying to see anything that would help him find his way, and that was when disaster struck.

He knew he was going to fall. He put his foot down, and there was nothing there. He fell forward. He twisted mid fall to save hurting Spencer, and that was when he heard a crack, and a shot of pain up his leg.

Trying not to panic, he rolled onto his back, still holding Spencer in his arms. He hit the side of his head on a tree, and as he lost consciousness, he thought,

_option__ two..._

"...Aaron, wake up..."

Spencer's voice. So he was ok. He opened his eyes, and looked up at him. Or rather his silhouette against the bright morning sun. His head ached.

Morning?

"Is it morning?" he asked, thinking as he said it that it was a daft question. He hade an attempt to stand, and yelped when he put pressure on his foot.

Then he remembered. "I've done something to my ankle." He said. "I might have broken it."

"I think you have, Aaron. We've got to get back to the car."

With Spencer's help, Aaron stood up. He put his arm around Spencer's shoulder, and Spencer supported him round the waist. The two of them hobbled back to the path, and towards the car.

"Are you alright, Spence?" Aaron gasped between steps. "How long have you been awake?"

"I woke up just as the sun was coming up. I'm sorry I freaked out, Aaron. I have managed to get your ankle broken."

"It'll mend, Spence. As long as you're ok."

With relief, after a mile or two, they saw the car in the distance. Spencer lowered Aaron to the ground, and said,

"You stay here, I'll bring the car down."

"No, wait!" Aaron pulled Spence down with him, brushed his hair from his eyes, and kissed him.

"We're not going to forget today, I don't think." He grinned. "We've made our first memory!"

Spencer hugged him tight, and kissed him back.

_The first of many..._

**END**


End file.
